Catholic bishops must resolve inconsistent teachings about divorce

Thursday, September 16, 2010

By Bai Macfarlane

Bai Macfarlane

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As the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops is unveiling their 2010 Catechetical Sunday theme, “Matrimony: Sacrament of Enduring Love,” a grass roots movement is asking the Bishops to resolve inconsistencies in teachings about divorce. A Mary’s Advocates’ team from all over the country, sent personal letters to over one hundred bishops. The mission of Mary’s Advocates is to strengthen marriage. Some people might be swayed to keep their families together if the Church would warn clearly against divorce.

Scholarly sources were quoted in the letter to bishops, stating that in 80% of divorces, one spouse does not want to be separated. But with no-fault divorce practices, there is nothing the faithful spouse can do to prevent the splitting of their family.

Attached to the Mary’s Advocates team’s letter are examples of conflicting teaching from various sources including priests’ blogs, educational organizations with national outreaches, the Catechism, and the Prefect of Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments in the Roman Curia. Some sources treat divorce as morally neutral, an event that just touches a family. A handful sources teach that divorce is not a grave sin. Others say that in some circumstances, divorce might be a sin, but it can be absolved in confession–with no mention of any requirement to stop sinning. Some sources say divorce is a grave offense against nature and is immoral because it introduces disorder into the family and into society.

The beauty of the Catholic Church is that it is one Church so it cannot have conflicting teaching on moral issues.

David Borer, who wrote letters from Iowa, says, “We hope our Bishops boldly proclaim Christ’s teaching on marriage and give clarity to the myriad of voices that are all over the place when it comes to divorce.”

The letter asks seven questions, such as the following:

What are morally licit reasons for separation in contrast to immoral ones? 

When there is no morally licit reason to separate, is forcing children to go back and forth between Mom's place and Dad's place a "merely civil" effect of marriage, as referenced in canon 1692? 

For whom, and in what circumstances, is divorce a grave sin; what is the suitable pastoral care for those for whom divorce is a grave sin?

Borer wanted to be part of this effort because, as he says, “I’ve personally felt the effect of disinformation with regards to divorce. My wife appears to believe there is nothing wrong with forcing our children to live between two homes.”

Debbie Nuzzo, one of the Mary’s Advocates letter-writing team from Brooklyn, New York, says, “There seems to be a notion among the clergy, which is foreign to the gospel, that divorce means a marriage is dead with no hope for recovery. With this mindset, there can be no hope for recovery because all efforts to help the couple reconcile cease.”

Borer arranged a meeting with his parish priest. “Instead of speaking of grace, and asking God to give us the grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony to save and heal our marriage, our pastor spoke of psychology. Instead of prayer, he spoke of Elisabeth Kubler Rossʼ ﬁve stages of grief. Instead of giving hope, he basically was saying our marriage was dead."

Mary’s Advocates are asking the bishops to correct any false teaching spread by those in their diocesan and parish staffs. Borer explains why this is needed, “Though I was a reliable, faithful husband, I believe our parish priest planted the seed in my wife’s mind to walk away from our marriage, rather than keep her vows.” Borer muses about why the priest didn’t support his marriage. “The pastor could have spoken to her about reconciliation, the graces of the Sacrament available for those who seek it, the effects of divorce on children, and the consequences of grave sin in this world, and in the next.”