One of the increasing problems of a rapidly cultural diverse populace is providing Masses and services catered to the predominate language of the growing groups. Thus more and more churches for instance are offering Masses and services in both English and Spanish. Some Catholics favor a Mass said in Latin and relatively few parishes are offering this options. How do you balance the need of your communities while at the same time bringing different cultural groups together?
There was no easy answer to this problem until now. Ron Coe Church Supplies proudly presents the Universal Pentecost Translator. This amazing device automatically translates sermons and homilies into the preferred language of the person in the pew. If there are responses the listener will hear the responses by those around them also in their desired language!
In our test trials people were bewildered, because each one heard them speaking in his own native language. We did experience some difficulties by the testers who asked "What does this mean?" and others mocking said, "They are filled with new wine." To solve this problems each Universal Pentecost Translator comes with a built-in Breathalyzer so the user can confirm for themselves that they are not drunk as they suppose.
Our translator has been tested on Parthians, Medes, Elamites and residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya belonging to Cyrene, and visitors from Rome, both Jews and proselytes, Cretans and Arabians, who have said "We hear them telling in our own tongues the mighty works of God."
Even better - with each unit no batteries are required. Our Universal Pentecost Translators are totally powered by the Holy Spirit, an infinite and totally non-polluting power source. Plug-n-Pray circuitry ensures that your translation experience is always good.
No more will you get arguments because you don't have a Mass or service available in someone's preferred language. No more waiting for some bishops to approve a Latin Mass in your vicinity. Once we get the bugs worked out of our universal music translator each pew sitter will hear the hymns they want and your church will be on the way to produce the best possible worship experience.
We are also currently working on a Universal Teenager Translator which is a much more complex task. We realize that this is a challenging goal to not only have parents being able to understand what their teenagers say, but also for teenagers to understand what their parents mean also. We hear at Ron Coe Church supplies want to fill all of your church's needs.
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Disclaimer: The Universal Pentecost Translator can not render unintelligible or poorly written homilies into intelligible and intelligent ones, but will simply translate the meaning into the desired language. Likewise heterodox teaching will not be translated into orthodox language. If you experience these difficulties please do not call us without first replacing the priest/minister unit. If tongues of fire should appear Ron Coe Church Supplies is not responsible for any fire damage or singed hair as the result of these appearances. |
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