Jesus gil has joined me to point up how the witness of filing an annulment affects you and your family and friends. It's a little uncomfortable at first, particularly when you've been a big chicken like me about displaying fidelity to the Church. My friends and relatives for the most part are very blase about needing to recapture the sacramental ability to marry, either seeing no need for faith, or sure that it's okay to civilly remarry and then receive the Sacraments.

When I chose my witnesses, two friends (one a lapsed Catholic and one a Methodist who's a little uncomfy with Catholicism) and a brother, they accepted, bless their hearts. At first, the ex-Catholic couldn't see the reason for it, and the Methodist I think was afraid she'd have to learn some elaborate Catholic ritual. I think they both hung up the phone and sighed. My brother, cradle Catholic like me, of course, but now a very Unitary Unitarian, was neutral. Then they got the questionnaires, which I have not seen to this day. They aren't anywhere near as long as the questionnaire I got, but they're not a five-minute enterprise, either. (Note: at the very end of paperwork portion of our game, my advocate called me and asked me for a short written statement about why I did not choose my mother as a witness (my father is dead). The tribunal is suspicious when parents are avoided. I told them that I didn't think my mother could be an objective witness, and she would be very anxious, since she is not really sure that I'm not excommunicated just by the act of divorce. The advocate thought that was a fine reason.)

I promised my witnesses right up front that I would not interfere or look at their answers while they were preparing them. I've heard too many horror stories about annullers dictating what should be written. What I wasn't ready for is that the form allows the witness to check a box to bar you from ever seeing their answers! One of my witnesses told me she chose that, which of course makes me a little squirmy (what awful thing did she witness me doing?). I didn't ask the others.

While they were completing their questionnaires, my friends and I talked about marriage, divorce, family. They asked a few questions to refresh their memories about details of our marriage. Then the ex-Catholic made an offhand and not too favorable comment about a family member, "You know, she's one of those people who goes to Mass every day." I enjoyed informing her that I, too, was one of those people. We have now spent some time talking about why we need God, why we need faith. I'm witnessing to someone I've known since high school, for the first time in our lives! The annulment process opened that door. The Methodist asks technical questions about Catholicism, and is edging around the subject of faith a little.

Witnessing wasn't my idea. But you can't say A without saying B.