Divorce And Annulment Support Ministry

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Summary

Resources and facts from the Archdiocese of Chicago

The psychological pain of loss of a relationship is great and deep-seated. During a separation or divorce there are many emotions inside your head and heart – confusion, anger, sadness, and fear, to name a few.

The Archdiocese of Chicago recognizes the difficult nature of life at this time and extends ministry to the separated or divorced through the Family Ministries Office.

Faith and courage are needed to rebuild life after the end of a marriage. Those who have "been there" are able to offer strength and hope to newcomers. Through a network of peer support, every person is encouraged to rebuild life in the style they prefer.

If you are separated, our hope is that you will use the time of separation to reflect on God’s will for you. Attend Retrouvaille (a weekend retreat for troubled marriages), seek effective counseling from a professional and pray for strength to follow your marital commitment.

If you are a single parent, seek help from other single parents. Attend parent education opportunities in your community, school and church. Ask for help when you need it.

If you are co-parenting, learn to share the children in a kind way. Do not punish the other parent. Only the children suffer with that behavior. Each time you diminish the other parent, you diminish half of your child. For your sake and the sake of the children – it’s better to be kind than to be right.

If you are divorced, attend peer self-help groups (brochure in pdf file), seek effective, professional counseling to help you manage the changes in your life; get plenty of rest and exercise, eat smart, do not drink alcohol. Pray on a daily basis.

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Catholic Divorce Facts

† Divorced Catholics are not ex-communicated.

† Divorced Catholics may receive Eucharist and Reconciliation.

† Divorced Catholics are full members of the Catholic church and can participate fully in the life of the church.

† Children will not be illegitimate if a divorced Catholic is granted an annulment.

† Before a divorced Catholic can remarry in the Church, an annulment must be granted on the previous marriage.

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Divorce & the Rest of the Family

Divorce affects more than just the couple ending their marriage. Children in the family are affected. In-laws on both sides are experiencing the loss, too, as are neighbors and friends.

Offer help to the divorced:

Show the care you still have for them.

Support and comfort the children as they adjust to the changes.

Listen well and with understanding.

Suspend judgements.

Expect to mourn the end of this marriage.

Take a casserole over to the family.

Offer respite to the custodial parent on occasion.

Pray for the entire family.

Welcome all members of the family at public and social gatherings.

Be mindful that there are no "ex" parents, only "ex" spouses.

Be kind to those in pain over the trauma of the divorce.

Focus on the bright side of future opportunities and challenges.

Divorce is never the plan the couple had for their life. Extend help in appropriate ways.

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Titles of Interest for Divorce and Annulment Support:

Books

Healing the Wounds of Divorce by Barbara Leahy Shlemon; Ave Maria Press, 1992

Divorce Recovery; Picking Up the Pieces (a 13 session program for healing the pain) Lyman Coleman, editor; Serenity House Publishers, 1995

Forgiving the People You Love to Hate by Judy Logue; Liguori Publications, 1997

The Divorce Culture by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead; Alfred Knopf, 1997

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail…And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman, Ph D; Simon and Schuster, 1994

Grief Quest ; Reflections For Men Coping With Loss by Robert J. Miller & Stephen J. Hrycyniak, 1996

Where Do You Stand With the Church? The Dilemma of Divorced Catholics by John T. Catior, Alba House1979

Surviving Your Friend’s Divorce by Mary Kay Leatherman, 1996

Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis, 1998

The Healing Journey Through Divorce (a journal) by Phil Rich, Ed D, MSW & Lita Linzer Schwartz, Ph D, ABPP, 1999

The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James & Russell Friedman, Harper Perennial, 1998

Mom's House; Dad's House by Isoling Ricci, 1997

Should I Stay or Go? How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage by Lee Raffel, 1997

What About the Kids? by Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, 2003

Catholics, Marriage and Divorce, Real People, Real Questions by Victoria Vendenberger, RSM, JCL, 2004

Parenting After Divorce by Philip M. Stahl, 2000

Divorce and Beyond by Radtke, Greteman, and Haverkamp, 2004

For Parents/Kids:

Kids Are Non-Divorceable by Sara Bonkowski, Ph.D. ACTA Publications, 1987

Love Is Always There by Lisa Kent, Paulist Press, 1993

You Are Always in Our Hearts by Casey Self Kendall Hunt Publishing Co., 1996

The Shelter of Each Other; Rebuilding Our Families by Mary Pipher, Ph D., Ballentine Books, 1996

Audio Tapes

Surviving Divorce by John Bradshaw

Life After Divorce, A Challenge To Grow by Msgr. Tom Hartman

Annulment - Healing, Hope, New Life by Msgr Tom Malloy NACSDC Conference Tapes, Notre Dame, - 1999 call 541- 963 - 8089 for list or e-mail:nacsdc@eoni.com