What will follow in several postings are the questions asked on the long questionnaire required by the Diocese of Joliet (Illinois). It comes as a form you could fill in by hand, which boggles the mind, since the space left after each question is pretty small.

Family Background - These questions were asked twice: once for me, once for my ex-spouse.

1. What nationality or nationalities were your parents?

2. How would you describe your mother? Your father?

3. How did your parents get along with each other?

4. How did you get along with your parents when you were growing up? Explain any problems in your relationship.

5. Did your parents separate or divorce? When? Under what circumstances?

6. Did either of your parents remarry?

7. If you have brothers and sisters: What are their age differences from you? How did you get along with them?

8. How was affection displayed in your family? How was anger expressed?

9. What was the nature of discipline in your family? What was rewarded? What was punished? How?

10. When you were growing up, was your family poor, middle class or wealthy?

11. What was the religion of your parents? How active were they in the practice of their religion?

12. Describe your religious beliefs and practices before, during and after your marriage.

13. Describe significant problems you or your family experienced during your childhood, adolescence or early adulthood.

14. Are your parents alive? If not, when did they die? Was there anything unusual or traumatic about their death?

My first response when reading these was irritation that these weren't brought up in pre-Cana. But how could they be? Would that have been instructive? We see our truths through our own filters. Neither of us believed that this could possibly fail. The untold secrets would not have been cracked open by these questions.

Then, for a while I composed thousand-word answers, to tell THE DIVORCE STORY all over again after I had learned NOT to make it my party piece.

Then, I got stuck. Affection in my family? Discipline? I am in my mid-40's, do I honestly remember any more?

I finally wrote answers that I kept shaving down to leave just the core of the matter. The questions about my parents, and his parents, made me try to step away as far as I could and take a good hard look at them, not to blame them, but to see them younger, fresher, not so content and/or resigned.

Go ahead and answer them for yourself. See if you surprise yourself about your family.

The next sections: Education, Work History and (gulp) Personal Characteristics

Therese Z