I have heard of cases where it seems an annulment was, well, painful, meaning too painful. On the other hand, I haven´t heard of any annulment that didn´t involve some bit of pain.

But pain, in and of itself isn´t a bad thing. Pain often helps us to identify that there´s something wrong. My own belief is that once the pain is identified, then the doctor can get to work. I liken the annulment, for a lack of words, a bit to corrective surgery, aimed at healing somebody who has been limited, or hurt, in a non-sacramental marriage.

In my own experience, most of the pain, was self-inflicted. Meaning, that I had to come to grips with some of the ways that I had hurt others, especially my parents, by going it my own way. By not listening to them, and pastoral advice, I was creating a spiritual suicide that was rooted in pride. That realization that much of this was of my own selfish nature, was not only humbling...it downright hurt.

But a funny thing happened. Once I woke up to that fact, I was able to go back to many people in my family and restore our relationships. I was able to ask for forgiveness, and see our relationships blossom. I was also able to see, as Therese touched on, that my annulment process became a tool to witness to others. People soon came to realize that I meant it when I said that I was Catholic.

Therese also mentioned something else...I think it would be interesting to see how all people, especially those planning on getting married, answer an annulment questionairre. Would it change their minds?

The annulment process was also the first time that I was able to really put behind my failed marriage. It was in that sense, a purifying process, that at times did burn, and hurt, but it always left me a deeper understanding of the importance of the sacrament of marriage. It also made me appreciate more my current marriage (at another date, I´ll have to share how my wife and I "handle" living a non-sacramental marriage...but then maybe you can guess).

I shared in another post that my annulment has been going on since 1997 (I´m supposed to know the sentence next week, so please say a prayer for me). There obviously have been a lot of emotional ups and downs, more so at the beginning. As time has progressed, I have become more serene, and been able to go with some of the punchs. I don´t now always try to understand why there are sudden twists, like a person suddenly contesting the annulment, I just have to believe, to have faith that it´s all in God´s hands...and that this is a vehicle that is drawing me closer to Him.

Summing up, my honest few words are that yes, there is a lot of pain that accompanies an annulment, but sometimes that´s what is needed to cut and rid ourselves of the cancer of materialism, of humanism, of degrading our sacraments, of settling for second best.

- jesus gil