So far, I've blogged the long questionnaire and most of the mechanical details of the annulment process in the Diocese of Joliet (IL). Here's one more portion: the psychologist appointment.

My pastor reassured me that lots of people have to see the psychologist. He might have been making nice, I don't know, but since my claim for the defect of intent is that my ex had a diagnosed serious mental illness (MI) he kept secret and would not treat with therapy, I am not surprised they wanted to check the story out.

I met with a diocese-appointed psychologist in a nearby parish. She and I sat in a little office and talked about 1 1/2 hours. She opened simply by saying "well, tell me your story." Your mouth kind of falls open and nothing intelligent comes out with that lead. But I managed.

She reacted with what seemed to be strong surprise when I knew my ex's exact DSM diagnosis and then said that I possessed a written copy of it. In retrospect, I guess that she is used to people saying that their ex is a nutball without any proof.

A point here: I did take a copy of the diagnosis and other medical records I found during the separation of our possessions. I had cooperated with his MI in believing that everything was my fault, and that diagnosis was my comfort for quite a while, and gave us a talking point during attempts to keep our marriage together. I didn't want to submit it to the Tribunal, although I did say I had it, after consulting with my pastor about what to do. It struck me that it wasn't my news to share, since it contained a great deal of information about his early life and acting-out history. They never asked me for it.

The meeting with the psychologist was clearly not treatment. It was more like a friendly deposition. She didn't suggest that I continue the relationship therapeutically, although when I expressed some difficulties, she did offer some friendly advice. It went really well, better than I thought, given that I have little experience with therapy. If I had to suggest any changes, that wouldn't have been a bad time to give me a handout about the Sacrament of Marriage and forming a true lifelong commitment.

There was a separate fee for this meeting of $150. As I said earlier, that's all I've paid so far, except for the filing fee. I sent the check for that to the Tribunal before the meeting, I don't mean to harp on money, but everybody and his diocese is so darned reticent about it, I was worried that I would miss some big moment when the bills were presented.